Today I didn't want to "Mom"

Today was a hard day. Today I didn't want to "Mom".

Today my heart ached for having to leave Jordan for another 3 months. Spending just 3 days with him wasn't long enough. I'm sad. I saw the anxiousness in his eyes, his worry of the unknown (even though he denies it). I felt anxious and worried with him. My kids don't understand that what their hearts feel, my heart feels too. It was too much for me this time. I don't want to do this.

Today the thought of my 2 kids sitting in China another night without parents to tuck them in burdened my heart. Today was the youngest's birthday! He turned 6. Did he have a special day? Most likely not. I want him to feel the love of a family. I want Teagan to feel loved too. They are my kids, no matter if I have met them yet or not. The weight of them being so far away, distance as well as time, was too much. I am overwhelmed with what it is going to take to get them home. The money...how will we come up with the money we need in time? The red tape. The waiting...will they wait too long? It's scary and overwhelming. I don't think I can do this.

I lay in bed not wanting to get up. If I sleep I won't have to feel. But the kids that I have at home need help with homework, need lunch made for them, Jewel needs tube-fed. But I don't want to "Mom" today.

Then from nowhere, this song comes to my head. I haven't heard it in months but I hear the words now..

... Though I'm silent, my heart is crying. Because I was made to come to you! So I Pray. God I need you more than words can say. Right here in this moment... You know my heart, you know my need, you know every part of me. So even it's just to speak Your Name, I'm gonna Pray...



So I prayed. I prayed for my kids, ALL of them. I prayed for comfort, and peace, and strength for myself.

Then I got a text from a friend I haven't talked to in a while. She was asking about our adoption so I was telling her we are adopting 2 this time. I told her, "We're crazy, I know" Her reply... "Not crazy, but called by The Lord to do what others can't". It was just the reminder that I needed. This adoption is all for God's Glory. I'm living my life for HIM. Sometimes I don't want to do it and sometimes I think I can't do it. But I do feel like adopting is God's calling on our lives, and with Him I can do it!! And I know God is watching over Jordan. He loves him more than I do, just as my mom has always said ;-) Yes indeed God gives us more than we can handle, because He wants us to ask for His help. To lean on Him and not try to do it ourselves. HE is my rock...

So I will continue to "Mom" to the best of my ability, in Christ <3

Personal Chef for your Private, Romantic Valentine's Day dinner!

Update!! Your chance at winning this drawing has just doubled!! Cleveland area Chefs are an amazing group of people!! Another well known Cleveland Chef, John Selick, has offered to donate his Valentine's Day Evening to be a private chef for one of our winners as well!! We will now draw 2 names on February 7th. The first name drawn will get to pick which chef they would like to host their Valentine's Dinner then the second name drawn will have the other chef as their private chef. You won't be disappointed either way!!

Valentine's Day is coming up soon. How would you like to have the chance at a Valentine's Dinner for 2 with your own private chef... in your own home?!! Jeff is a well know Cleveland Chef and is offering to be your private chef for the evening. For those of you who don't know him, here is a video of him on Fox 8 not too long ago... Winner will get a dinner for 2 in your own home, or another place that you and Jeff can agree on if your home isn't an option. Jeff will discuss food with whoever wins and I guarantee you it will probably be the best meal you've ever had! Dinner will be in the evening on February 14th. Winner will be drawn on February 7th to give you time to plan your evening with your loved one <3 Enter for your chance to win by donating using the Paypal button in the side bar. 1 chance to win for $10, 3 chances to win for $20! Every $10 after $20 will get you 2 more chances to win! Like and share our blog for an bonus chance to win! Once you have donated, comment either here or on Facebook so we can make sure your name makes it into the drawing. If you liked and shared, let us know that as well. Thanks!

All in God's timing...

In 2014 Jeff and I had started the adoption process to bring 2 little girls home from China, both blind. For reasons beyond our control we were not able to continue with the adoption. We were heartbroken, embarrassed, and honestly I personally was very angry at GOD. Why did he not want us to bring these girls home? Why did he feel them being in an orphanage was better than being in our family? I thought I "heard" him and that he wanted us to start the adoption process so why did he then slam the door shut? Did I know how to "hear" God? I was confused and hurt. ........So what did I do? After a bit of pouting ;-) I dove into God's Word. I started praying and attending Bible Studies. I studied and read. I prayed A LOT. I became closer to God and now know that I needed that time with HIM! Jeff became closer to GOD as well which strengthened our marriage and our family. We moved to a new house which we wouldn't have been able to do if we would have been in the middle of an adoption. Jeff moved to a new, much better job which we wouldn't have felt comfortable doing if we were right in the middle of an adoption. God knew we weren't ready to adopt, and I think I knew that then but felt like God would want us to. God made it perfectly clear that I was wrong and that He didn't NEED ME to help him do anything. He doesn't need ME to adopt until he says it's time, not when I feel like it's time. He can take care of things HIMSELF. What he does need and want is for me to take time with HIM. To breathe and wait. All in all, I learned to listen. ........And now we are starting again! I'm taking it slow and turning to GOD every step of the way. Trying to do what HE wants. Asking for Him to speak clearly to me... And I believe He has and is! I'm learning how to "hear" Him but it's not always easy. No matter what though, I know God does what is in our best interest and I will ALWAYS trust him...even when things don't turn out how I hope they will. ........So back to the 2 little girls we wanted to adopt back in 2014. The one little girl was adopted and is home with a wonderful family and she is doing GREAT. I am so happy to see pictures and videos of her with her Mom and Dad. <3 The other little one still waits for a family....but not for long!! Not too long after we had to turn these 2 girls down a couple of years ago, the second little one disappeared off the "list" of kids available for adoption. No one could find her file. What that meant to us in the adoption community was that she was either in the process of being adopted by someone or her file was transferred to a specific agency, possibly in a different country, so they could advocate for her. We couldn't find her file in the US and as far as we knew, no one had expressed interested in adopting her. I looked and looked, just because I had the hope that one day God would reopen the door for us. It was the beginning of June that her file went missing. I asked for advocates to check the "list" at least monthly without luck. In the mean time, I prayed for her. At the end of October, I had just finished up a Bible Study that really spoke to me. It lead me into deep conversations with God and the faith that if I asked Him a specific question, He would answer. I had been wanting to move forward in adopting again but feared that I would get my hopes up and God would say "No" again. I was trying to protect my heart, so I didn't act on anything. In my heart though, I still wanted to adopt! One night I got the courage to ask God for something specific. I prayed that if he wanted me to adopt again, he would let this little girl's file show back up on the "list". I believed he would answer me, so I waited. A week and a half went by and no one mentioned seeing her. About 2 weeks after I prayed that prayer I got information on a little boy from Jewel's orphanage. I wanted to find out more about him so I could advocate for him so I called the adoption agency. They gave me his info and then I said to them, "Since I have you on the phone, can you just check to see if this little girl's file is on the list? She probably isn't because I've been looking for a while but I figured it wouldn't hurt to check!" She looked and quickly said, "Well yes, here she is! And there is updated information." She sent me her information. Just 2 weeks later, an answer to a very specific question <3 So we started our adoption journey again and as of December 18th, we have Pre-approval from China to adopt her!! What pre-approval means is that we sent some basic information to China and requested her file. They approved us to adopt her just temporarily, pending the official paperwork we will send in which is called our "Dossier". For now though, she is locked to us :) We are finishing up our Home Study soon and will be working on sending our Dossier ASAP. Everything takes time though a usually it's a hurry up and wait game. .......So a little bit about OUR little girl... We will name her Teagan. Yes, you read that right. It does NOT start with a "J". This baby will have MY initials for goodness sake! lol. Teagan is in a not so great orphanage and appears to not be paid much attention to. According to her most recent info, which is just a month or so old, she has lost 8# in the last year. I fear she probably needs help eating d/t her visual impairment and they probably are putting her plate in front of her then taking it when THEY think she should be done without offering her much guidance or help. I have video of her in a small room with hard floors and no toys. She looks withdrawn and sad. It breaks my heart. I can't wait for her to have the love of a Mommy and Daddy and brothers and sisters. Teagan is 6 years old. 6 years without the love of a family is way to long!

.......We are definitely taking a leap of faith into this adoption journey, trusting that GOD will help us come up with the money we need to fund it each step of the way. We will be fundraising our way through it! If you feel lead to help us out, even a few dollars will help! Especially since we are fundraising to adopt 2!!! Yes, 2! We can't give too much info right now because we don't have Pre-approval from China yet, but the boys can't wait to add a brother to their team ;) And we ALL may have had our lives changed over the past few years by a few different kiddos with Down Syndrome, just saying ;-). We can't wait to tell you more when we can.... Another answer to a very specific prayer. GOD IS GOOD!!

So it begins, but first... ABOUT US

We are adopting again! Ok, so it's not actually official yet but we just have 1 more visit with our social worker before she will type up our approved home study!! We can't wait to add to our family again! So I'm going to start off by telling anyone who doesn't know us personally a little bit about ourselves :) Jeff and I were High School sweethearts and got married in 1996. We've had our ups and downs in life but are so thankful to God for ALL of our challenges because our marriage is now stronger than even! Jeff is a well known Chef in Cleveland and is great at his job. I'm so proud of his accomplishments! I am a registered nurse but currently staying at home to be more available to my kids. I'm so happy and blessed to be able to do that. We have 5 kids right now... Our oldest, Jordan, is 18 years old and is enlisted in the ARMY. We are EXTREMELY proud of him in chasing his dreams of being a soldier, even when it was hard and when the future was unknown at times. He made it :) Right now he is in Basic Training at Fort Jackson, SC and will be graduating soon and move on to his Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Eustis, Virginia. We miss having him home so much but couldn't be prouder of him!!

Jonathan is 16 years old, driving, playing any sport they will let him play, and HAS to be busy AL OF THE TIME!! He loves his friends and is a great brother. He has a heart for kids and adults with special needs and spent part of last summer volunteering for Camp Echoing Hills in southern Ohio, which is a camp for people with disabilities. He looks forward to returning this summer as well! Jonathan played Waterloo varsity football this past season and is on the basketball team.

Jacob is 13 and also has a heart for kids and adults with special needs. He loved Camp Echoing Hills as well, and can't wait to go back! He made a great friend named Kevin and is so anxious to be able to see him again <3 Jacob also likes sports, mostly basketball and baseball.

In 2008 we adopted Jasmine from Jiangxi Province, China. She is now 9 years old and LOVES (ok, maybe is obsessed with) gymnastics ;-) She is good at it too! Jasmine is legally blind, is an early braille reader, and does great in school. She loves her friends and spending time with them. Although neither of them would admit it, her and Jacob spend a lot of time together as well :)

Jewel was adopted from Fujian Province, China in 2010. She is 6 years old and is the sweetest, happiest, most loving person I have ever met. She was born without eyes/blind and has multiple other disabilities as well. She loves to laugh and has worked very hard to come so far, from being tied in a crib in her orphanage to where she is now... walking with a walker and climbing all over the furniture in the house. We can't imagine life without her.

That's our family <3